Adventures in Canada lead to deepness...

Begin at the end.... There is very little, I think, more wondrous than taking off from a major city airport after dark. All the sparkling little lights held me in rapture for a good while after departing JFK airport on my return flight from Toronto to JFK to Reagan National to home. Really, if we had not gotten above a layer of clouds, I would not have read my book or watched a movie on my iPod. I would have spent the hour pondering the minuscule beauty of the world below for that whole hour. As it was, it's probably a good thing that I didn't have the hour to ponder and distracted myself instead. There was a very high probability that I could have pondered myself into a funk again. I hate my brain.

Maybe you know from following my Facebook status or from talking to me or you will know when you see my picasa pictures updated that I jet-setted off to Toronto Canada this weekend to visit my friend Dave, from college. It was awesome. I think Mars is no longer in retrograde because every bus, metro, flight, subway, trolley, ferry, and etc. trip went smoothly, was on time or ahead of schedule arriving or was waiting for me/us in the station when I/we got there. Timing was impeccable. I am not used to smooth travel, so it was all truly a luxury. For anyone not already familiar, Dave's absolutely the first friend I made at PSU. We initially met the day I moved in at a freshman orientation swing dance mixer in my quad. I honestly remember that for the first time in my life I stayed up until 3 or 4 AM talking & hanging out with a new friend. It was cool. He's also one of the two key people who unwittingly motivated me to break up with my high-school boyfriend. No, Dave's not a homewrecker, but he's nice and it just seemed wrong that two guy friends I had known for about a month were nicer than the guy I was dating. So anyway, it's really been about 4 years since we last caught up. I say that that's way too long. I want all my friends in one place again.



Well, the trip started out with a bang, we made our way back to the apartment, dropped my stuff off, wandered down to the St. Lawrence Market. I'm afraid we spent way too much money on cheese & crackers, snack munchies and deli meats there, but Mmmmmm.... decadence. We also got to experience what is, at least according to a sign in the Market, a real canadian food: the Peameal Sandwich. It was pretty good. Canadian Bacon lightly coated in cornmeal and plopped on a bun with your choice of honey mustard or maple dijon. Yum.

Next we totally rushed to get back, change and head out to Canada's Wonderland for a "Halloween Haunt." I had never been to an amusement park for halloween before, but I must admit it was awesome. They had a number of haunted trails that were fun and there really weren't any lines for the coasters. Additionally, we weren't sweltering in the sun when we DID have to wait. I think it's the oooonly way to do an amusement park. We didn't get quite all of the coasters in - I think we missed out on two that were open and there were one or two that weren't open at all. The Vortex was cool as was the Behemoth, which was designed by Bolliger & Mabillard - they also did Apollo's Chariot at Busch Gardens Williamsburg and I think they're probably my favorite coaster design firm right now.

So after starving Dave all day Friday and ending it all by gorging at Wendy's at 11:30 PM, I am convinced that he decided to carry out vengeance upon me because the entire rest of the weekend was a culinary adventure with almost continual snacking and etc. Saturday started with a trip to the grocery to get foods to compliment the meats & cheeses from the Market so as to form a picnic lunch for Sunday and for a brunch smorgasbord on Monday. Then we were off to hit Kensington Market, a semi-Bohemian area with a ton of Vintage Shops, cafes, ethnic wear stores and food markets. It was a nifty area, I noticed a lot of people with Che Guevarra paraphernalia. I found a new vintage dress, nearly talked Dave into a used Tin-Man costume, and we began our food-foray with Empanadas chased down with fresh Ginger Beer. The Ginger Beer was an intriguing beast that took some getting used to - mainly, you had to get past the way it burned the back of your throat. It was definitely good to try.

We left Kensington Market and made our way through a part of chinatown. Though Longans appeared to be in season, alas, none were sufficiently ripe to bother getting some. Next stop was the Fashion district and the fabric stores therein. It was like a playground for me... just wandering... touch, feel, touch, feel, etc.... until I realized that I couldn't afford any of the stuff I liked and we headed east (?) along Queen St. in search of a Crepe place Dave had heard about. After passing a bunch of bloody people pasting posters on light posts (I guess they were in a band whose schtick was to dress like mauled soldiers?), and a few crazy shop windows, we made it to the Crepe place. I got a decadent combination of banana, strawberry, rum, and coconut for mine & I think Dave's was a Ham & Swiss with Mushrooms. They were Yummy. I still haven't found a good crazy-crepe shop like Dave showed me in Boston though.

Next stop on the Itinerary was The Rex, which is a Toronto Jazz & Blues Bar. It was nice to sit & have a pint (half pint in my case) and get some live music.

I'd say we stayed for about an hour & then went on toward City Hall to obtain another Canadian taste treat: Poutine. Poutine is steak fries drowning in a wonderful brown gravy loaded with cheese curds. Cheese curds - the name sounds gross, but is there anything more wonderful???

Poutine tasted really good. I know why Wiki said it was a Canadian Comfort food. It makes you really warm inside, but I suspect part of that is because it clogs your arteries... ; ) I'm sure one order on occasion is not going to kill you, but it was super decadent and then led to a near re-enactment of the Month Python "wafer thin mint" skit on the way up the stairs from the TTC station during which Dave suggested something else culinary. After grabbing coats at the apartment, we headed back out to a little (not so little, really, but it felt cozy) bar near the St. Lawrence Market called C'est What? - at which, I might add, I got carded. It had a decent selection of scotches, bourbons & whisky. I tried a Bowmore (loved it), Laphroig (good - I had forgotten that the initial taste is like sucking on a campfire, but that goes away), Balvenie (nice & light), and a Lagavulin (also very good). I'm beginning to see a connection that I prefer Islay malts. Lastly, I think we finished the night out with the Stilton & crackers from the Market the day before.

Sunday involved a trip to Tim Horton's for breakfast sandwiches and an excellent pumpkin donut. Tim Horton's is like a Dunkin Donuts, but with nicer decor. Then some sandwich-making as we packed a bag to go picnic on "The Islands." The Islands are little sandbar islands not too far out in the lake. Part is residential, part has a little airport and the central part is a park including a small pay-as-you-go amusement park. The rides were all shut down & boarded up. We got to take in some good fall foliage and bits o' nature along the southern shore.

And also got a good fantasy-style view of the CN tower emerging from the fog above a petting farm...

I also managed to regress and find a good old sturdy style swing set that was high enough that you'd kill yourself if you tried to jump off from the top. It was fun. I reverted to my merry old style of seeing how much I could get the chains twisted mid-swing and I think Dave was convinced that I was going to break it & need medical attention! It kinda reminds me of the time that Jonah thought I was going to kill myself because I used leverage with just my kneecap to climb a tree, but I digress. The swings were actually a great workout - I need to find a good set by my house somewhere. There were even parts of the Islands that reminded me of Myst... it was an odd juxtaposition to "city."

So we ventured through that there hole out onto the beach, made short work of the thousands of snack foods that we brought with the sandwiches. I was introduced to corn nuts & Dave was introduced to sesame sticks. I have to add that I may never eat any bread other than Rosemary Foccacia from this point onward. It's amazing. After a couple of rollickingly cut-throat games of Uno, we eventually wound our way back to the Ferry dock & seemed to time it just right to catch sunset as we crossed. In an attempt to get some Steak & Ale pie, we ultimately ended up at an "english pub" but alas, they were on the late-night menu. The food was still good.

In the end, we ended up heading back to the apartment, doing a brief refresher of some old Swing lessons from college and then broke into the liquor cabinet. Half a mini-bottle of ice wine later, plus some Dooley's (tastes like Bailey's) and a sprite & Kahlua, it seemed like a good idea to make popcorn... until after spending 40 minutes picking at popcorn, we realized it'd take forever to finish the bowl (were both that full from everything else)....

Monday was a quick brunch of bacon, corned beef hash, omelets, pancakes and fruit salad - enough that I had a starbucks muffin for dinner and was good to go - and then a trip to the airport. The food was great, the company was great. So why the long-winded recount of the trip? Partly because I've been realizing that I'm getting older and I had better write this stuff down or I won't remember the details, but also partly because it was a lead up to lots of thoughts. Lots & LOTS of thoughts...

These thoughts are not just coming from this weekend, but from a variety of experiences this past year... last month Greg came & stayed with us for a week, which was awesome, and that visit really got me thinking about this too.

I need my people.

I don't need a lot of people, in fact, I am not overly social and really could care less about most people, but there are a few select people that I need. I was thinking about my friends from college. There are about six friends that I made in college who are the be all and end all for me. All but one of those people I met in Freshman year. Four of those people are guys and two are girls. (Note: I'm not including J in these stats and though I still know his friends from college too, I didn't pick them out for myself. I am talking about MY friends.) These people have been with me for 10 years. That's kinda impressive. I was thinking about why I have such a strong connection with these friends... I mean, when I'm with them, I don't stress, I don't feel like I need to protect myself, I can speak openly, I can be myself, I don't have to be a socially acceptable facsimile of myself. I'm not afraid to be sad around them if I need to - I know they're not going to hurt me. Then I was thinking about it and I think the key is that we were all removed from out families and comfort zones and tossed into a pot together. I can't speak for everyone, but that kicks me into hyper-self-preservation mode and forced me to find people who were suitable to replace the family bonds that I was lacking. I'm figuring we were all in the same boat & chose each other for similar need-fulfilling reasons? Dunno. But the point is that I pick my people because they complete some part of me. I have slots. Those slots need to be filled. One person can fill several, or just one. It really doesn't matter. If several are empty, I don't do very well. I think that's the hardest part right now... (interjection before anyone get a wrong idea: my husband is awesome, he fills a significant number of my slots, but I did choose him because he is totally different than me in a lot of ways, makes up for a lot of things I lack, and pulls me in different directions than I would otherwise tend to go. He's very good for me, but since there are fundamental differences between us, there are definitely slots left unfilled - interests not shared, and though he tries to understand my feelings and etc, unless you have the same temperament and disposition, there are certain things you can try to understand, but you never can unless you're standing in their shoes) Well, anyway, seeing my college buddies of late, coupled with some other things is just totally making me realize how many slots are still "open" right now. This is nothing new. I knew it this time last year, which is why I made some of the Samhain resolutions that I did. I'm working on it. I need to find my "family" here. It's getting old that I've been here for about 4 years now and still do not have those aspects that I need. We found our family in Binghamton when we lived there. I miss them too. I'm actively trying to form bonds and connections with people down here - some are growing, but there's still a lot of work to be done. This year, I am going to focus my efforts on seeing if I can get some more guy friends down here too (please see previous stats from college) because it seems like an integral part of me.

The other thing is that I've been soundly whacked with the mortality stick over the past couple of years.... my dad went in for heart valve replacement a couple of years ago and my friend Matt died last year and I've been running into a significant number of people who are dealing with serious illnesses and death recently. We, or at least I, was so blessedly sheltered from this sort of thing for most of my life. I'm trying to get a grip on it without letting it depress me past the point of recovery. I'm beginning to hate leaving from a visit or saying goodbye to people because I can't seem to do it right now without thinking about "this could be the last time I see them." This new year I need to work on getting that in check because I just can't live with that all the time. If anyone has any suggestions, they'd be welcomed. My brain's really my worst enemy and I could stand to work my way back in to blissful delusional ignorance.

I need my people. I love you all. I hope you all know that. & eventhough I'm not so good about communicating regularly, I really do care. I still hate the telephone and don't feel a need to work on that, but I am going to work on writing more because that's becoming critically important for me. That's one of the Samhain resolutions for this year. I'll come out with a bit of a list closer to the time.

You know, I think that's about all the whining I can handle doing right now! : ) Gonna go listen to some suitably depressing music ( depeche mode, REM, Linkin Park, New Order, The Smiths, etc) to cheer myself up. No, really. Don't ask me why, but it helps.... Angry music calms me down when I'm all eeked up too. Go figure.

Sooooooo..... updates. I now have a tub and shower surround. Showering this week has been quite a pleasing experience and I look forward to trying out the bath part of the bathtub. Maybe this weekend? I still have to paint the bathroom, but that will come in time.