Figuring Stuff Out

I've been figuring some stuff out and it's feeling really good. I had a "mental" week last week... I got some info early in the week that shed a lot of light on a problem that I've had for going on 2 years now, and it led to a lot of emotional ups & downs while I processed & figured stuff out. In the end, I'm feeling soooo much better, but it led me to figure some other things out as well. For instance, my shoulders started knotting up about 2 weeks ago. I know it was stress related. No matter what, I could not get them to relax out. Then I went mental, and that exacerbated it. Finally, I gave up & went for my first real massage yesterday - it's worth the money to me to get it worked out & relaxed now before I have a 7 hour drive and a maybe stressful/maybe not weekend. Anyway, that worked out he kinks & loosened up my neck and it was wonderful, but today I am noticing that my shoulders are so used to being knotted up that they are trying to revert to that. I'm having to fight my own body today and it's very weird. I keep noticing my shoulders wanting to hunch up near my ears and etc.... Secondly, I discovered, or made the connection rather, that my worst "Mental" days the past month have been days where I am excruciatingly tired. I KNOW I don't handle lack of sleep well... If I stay up too late I get psycho & depressed. Cast parties in Highschool, while theoretically fun, were when I usually scared myself the most by getting into unreasonable paranoias and depression. Needless to say that when I put 2 and 2 together, it made a whole BUNCH of sense that my "depressed" feeling days were when I had gone too long without good sleep. The result of this realization is that I've set myself a goal of trying to get at least 7.5 hours of sleep a night. It's a mid-year resolution? Well, anyway, out of the past 3 days, I've succeeded twice in 3 nights. Not too bad to start.... AND I've been feeling GREAT!!! (even though the weather's sucked & been rainy & I think I'm starting to get mouldy...) If all I need to do to be happier & healthier is to eat better and sleep enough, well DAMN!

Ah, lastly, Joy-of-joys! I can finally have that Peanut Butter Milkshake!!!!!!!!!! I made & have maintained my goal weight for at least a week! Woot! I will officially stop dieting now. I will still track what I eat to manage and maintain what I've done. I will be doing more Rock Climbing soon and keeping up with my running hopefully, so if you see me getting any skinnier from this point (doubtful), it'll only be due to toning. Well, Cheers, everyone!

Another Beginning

So I got back from New Years' with this grand scheme of blogging my little heart out and talking about all sorts of cool random stuff. as that continued to happen, the cool stuff kept piling up & then I'd put off writing until I could sit down and do that justice. That has not happened either and at this point it's time to just sit down, say "F- it!", sweep all that stuff under the carpet and pretend there isn't an unsightly lump in the middle. Let's try this again. Today's topic is "My favorite downfalls."


So here it is, in no particular order, My Favorite Downfalls:

• Peanut butter - yes, this whole recall has been a nightmare from hell for me.
• Cheese - I've been finding myself craving all sorts of cheese products, particularly cheese & tomato, aka ravioli, pasta dishes, pizza, etc...
• Good bread (well, really, any bread) - it makes me fart & I should avoid it, but I just can't say no. The best: I had some 'Popovers' the other night (a-MAZ-ing... aka Yorkshire pudding)
• Garlic - no description necessary
• Pad Thai - the cheesy food that cheesy Americans always order at Thai places... It's my comfort food. What can I say?

More to come later, I'm sure. By my downfall of this exact moment would be Doritos.. classic, nacho cheese Doritos (classified as a cheese downfall). This being said, I've still been doing reasonably well... I'm waffling right around 135. Not steady enough to feel like I'm allowed to indulge in my PB Milkshake that I promised myself, but I'm almost there. I'm down from the line between a size 16/18 to teetering on the line of 6 to 4... This makes me happy. Please keep in mind that I'm not intending to brag. Peek into my brain: I mention this stuff because I can't comprehend it. I feel like I need to get some sort of grip on reality. I remember looking at size 6/4 jeans and thinking "what kind of stick insects can fit INTO those???" Then I'd pick up my pants and they'd look normal. Now I pick up my size 6 or 4 and they look the same size as the 16s that I used to have. I guess I don't quite look the same in the mirror, but I look the same as I THOUGHT I looked. Also, I sit down on the toilet and I SWEAR my thighs squish the same distance over the sides of the seat. I know there must be a difference, but I can't get it into my head and I'm honestly quite worried that if I don't keep trying to convince myself of what size I really am, I could maybe turn into one of those skinny girls who're always saying "I'm fat" and trying to do something unhealthy. I've also found that I'm very self-conscious about going to the bathroom right after dinner. I'm worried that people will think I'm bulimic. Really, all people should be worried about is that I'm psychotic and have a massive disconnect between my head and reality! : )

Sizable Update (or update concerning size)

Three nights ago I was cleaning and pulled a few pieces out of my "skinny clothes from freshman year swing dancing" box... The two ultimate skinny dresses that I had both fit! Yahoo! So I pulled those out of the box to put in my closet. Yesterday I tried on my senior prom dress. THAT FITS TOO! Here's a pic of my senior Prom:

I will probably end up seeing if I can wear it to the annual Strauss Ball at Glen Echo this Spring. I am right on the border of a 6 and 8 in pants, depending on the brand and cut.... I just went and bought myself a size 4 dress for the formal on Saturday. That makes me happy. I don't think I've ever owned anything that's a size 4.... Also, I really wanted to lose the extra 7 lbs until my goal weight (135), but I'm really not sure I should. I'm looking good and feeling good and I'm the same size I was 10 years ago when I was 127 - meaning more muscle. It really confirms to me though, that I can probably never go by conventional weight charts and BMI indexes and such. I'm not quite in the "normal" weight range for my weight, or maybe I'm just on the line... it seems to depend on which chart you look at, but I'm right at the line between normal and overweight... and I'm a size 6-ish? Doesn't make sense. All I know is that major support bras are fast becoming my best friend since I've lost a lot of mass in that area and now, wellllll.... let's not go there. Age + weight loss and you can do the math. : )

Oh, and FYI.... I'm having to get rid of almost everything in my closet, so if you're ~ size 12, let me know. I can probably pass along some good stuff!

Exercise Recap

So my training went pretty well yesterday. I timed the walk/runs and the direction of my travel just right such that the middle walk (It's W-R-W-R-W in an 8-5-5-5-7 relation this week) happened just at the right time to walk around the observation deck over the marsh. I got a happy little viewing reward that way, yay! The marsh is sooooo pretty regardless of time of year. I think I like cattails. Well the first run went well. I remembered to focus on my form - mid-foot strike, heel touch, roll & push-off; keep feet pointed forward; try not to over exert my ankle muscles; & bent-knee landing. It felt good. I think I was slower again. I think I get slower when I focus on form, but it's definitely better for my joints, especially that friggin' left knee. On the second run, my mind wandered and I had to pull it back to the task at hand because I could feel my feet turning back out again. I like barefooting because it really does force you to have a biomechanically good form. If you are off, you hurt or at least don't feel perfect. If you are on, you feel just fine. I'm still sore through the back of my calves a little - they're tight - but that's indicative that I was still overcompensating with my ankles and just not keeping it all loose. That'll get better over time. This is why I've been starting out slow again - so that I can get the right form down again so I don't blow my knee out.

In other news, I just put on my super skinny skirt from the end of HS, the beginning of college. It fits! I'm quite pleased. I'm happy that I'm getting back into running because if I do more running and dancing, hopefully it'll firm up my butt & thighs some more. *crosses fingers* We'll see. I'm not complaining about the quantity of muscle that I have already... it's been established that I have more muscle now than last time I was this size because I weigh 15 lbs more than I did then. That's at least SOME progress that was made over the last 10 years. Ah! I also went climbing the other day. That felt kinda good. I don't think I like most of the people at my gym though. They're not very social. I think I need to find myself a regular partner. I was happy to find out that the main strength I lost was in my fingers. They got fatigued well before any other part, so that's OK I guess. That's one definite thing that's great about taking up running as a form of exercise - you can do it ANYWHERE. Not so with climbing. Next week is T-giving as you all know and I'll be home for 5 days? Yeah. So I'll just pack my five fingers and my jogging pants and go! Yay! Hopefully this time my mum won't worry about me exerting myself in the cold. Parents always worry, I guess. : )

Speaking of Five Fingers... if anyone feels like getting me a random senseless gift, I'm jonesin' for those light blue/green ones featured on the front page.... ; )

Ah, I also entertained myself by taking Retro Pinup pics of myself last night. That was fun. No, I'm not posting them on here. Needless to say, if anyone wants any pin-ups done for them, let me know. I love it! I also do head shots & I really, really want to try recreating the effects of 16th century paintings with my camera. Let me know if you're up for a shoot!

Progress

For anyone who hasn't been talking to me since April and for anyone who hasn't seen me recently and for anyone who just doesn't know.... I've been on a really big weight-loss kick. I finally reached that point that just kicks one in the ass such that one actually has some motivation to keep with it. I was one of those people who had "tried everything" and "nothing works" and "I have a lousey metabolism."



[aside: that last one's true. I'm genetically predisposed to be very strong & hearty and would be well-suited to old-school farming or full time athelete or a life without cars, horses, etc because I can go forever and not burn much of anything. The only time I've been able to keep weight off was when I was walking 5 miles a day and dancing for 1.5 hours 5-6 nights a week. and the only time I've been able to lose weight due to exercise alone was a summer of competitive swimming practice, 1.5 hours a day 5 days per week.]





This year, starting Nov.1, 2007, has been a year of discovery for me. I've been reevaluating my needs and wants and how to maintain my sanity and I've been focussing on improving my health. I started by trying to "eat better" and started running so that I could do the Cherry Blossom 5K in April. I was also rock climbing once or twice a week at that time. April came around. I was in better cardiovascular, muscular, and mental shape, but I had failed to lose any weight.





April 9, I weighed in at 196 (ugh!) and started using The Daily Plate... It has made the biggest change for me thus far. TDP keeps me honest and aware of what I am putting into my body. It makes me aware of when I'm not eating enough fruits & veggies, it's making me realize that a lot of "healthy" options at restaurants aren't really, and that average serving at a restaurant is about three servings on one plate. Excuse my language, but WTF?? No wonder this country has a weight problem. No wonder we have a economic problem!! I have probably cut my food bills in half because I take home leftovers almost every day and eat them for another meal. I suppose it is a good thing since then I get to enjoy the good food twice. Additionally, TDP has made me realize that one does not need to totally control what one eats. One can have good days or bad days as long as they somewhat even-out over time. See?

Well, anyway, the whole point between sharing this rant/ background is that I am giddy because I weighed in today at 152.5 lbs and still going. I'm below the weight I was when I left college, and can fit back into some of my vintage clothing. (goodie!) Hoorah!