Another Beginning

So I got back from New Years' with this grand scheme of blogging my little heart out and talking about all sorts of cool random stuff. as that continued to happen, the cool stuff kept piling up & then I'd put off writing until I could sit down and do that justice. That has not happened either and at this point it's time to just sit down, say "F- it!", sweep all that stuff under the carpet and pretend there isn't an unsightly lump in the middle. Let's try this again. Today's topic is "My favorite downfalls."


So here it is, in no particular order, My Favorite Downfalls:

• Peanut butter - yes, this whole recall has been a nightmare from hell for me.
• Cheese - I've been finding myself craving all sorts of cheese products, particularly cheese & tomato, aka ravioli, pasta dishes, pizza, etc...
• Good bread (well, really, any bread) - it makes me fart & I should avoid it, but I just can't say no. The best: I had some 'Popovers' the other night (a-MAZ-ing... aka Yorkshire pudding)
• Garlic - no description necessary
• Pad Thai - the cheesy food that cheesy Americans always order at Thai places... It's my comfort food. What can I say?

More to come later, I'm sure. By my downfall of this exact moment would be Doritos.. classic, nacho cheese Doritos (classified as a cheese downfall). This being said, I've still been doing reasonably well... I'm waffling right around 135. Not steady enough to feel like I'm allowed to indulge in my PB Milkshake that I promised myself, but I'm almost there. I'm down from the line between a size 16/18 to teetering on the line of 6 to 4... This makes me happy. Please keep in mind that I'm not intending to brag. Peek into my brain: I mention this stuff because I can't comprehend it. I feel like I need to get some sort of grip on reality. I remember looking at size 6/4 jeans and thinking "what kind of stick insects can fit INTO those???" Then I'd pick up my pants and they'd look normal. Now I pick up my size 6 or 4 and they look the same size as the 16s that I used to have. I guess I don't quite look the same in the mirror, but I look the same as I THOUGHT I looked. Also, I sit down on the toilet and I SWEAR my thighs squish the same distance over the sides of the seat. I know there must be a difference, but I can't get it into my head and I'm honestly quite worried that if I don't keep trying to convince myself of what size I really am, I could maybe turn into one of those skinny girls who're always saying "I'm fat" and trying to do something unhealthy. I've also found that I'm very self-conscious about going to the bathroom right after dinner. I'm worried that people will think I'm bulimic. Really, all people should be worried about is that I'm psychotic and have a massive disconnect between my head and reality! : )