Flying

Though J & I had talked about it for the better part of the last nine years, I've sworn there was NO way that I was ever going to jump out of a plane. No way, no how! I have no problem with the idea of riding around on a parachute, paragliding/parasailing/hang gliding (not a chute, but...). I don't like the fact that the chute is not open when you exit the plane. I don't like the fact that you have the possibility of falling somewhere around 13,000 feet and hitting the ground and going **splat!** if it doesn't open. and I do NOT like free-fall as experienced on amusement rides like this one. Hate, hate, hate.

Now, I got this brilliant idea to send J to his death (aka skydiving) for his 30th birthday since he really wanted to do it forever. AND, even better, I'd con his friends into going too so that I could stay on the ground waiting for the inevitable splat (J really likes crazy activities to be a shared group experience). Well, for one reason or another this plan failed - horribly. Due to money, relocation or absolute refusal to throw themselves out of a plane (because they're smart like that) only one other person decided to go. Hmmm... J likes groups. One is good, but more would be better. So, after deciding which location to send him jumping at, I chose Orange Skydive.... and the tandem jump page said that the free fall was 50 seconds... Then I started to think that I could maybe put up with 50 seconds of sheer terror to make J's b-day fun. But... What if I wet myself? Well they had THE ANSWER to that on their FAQ's. The other part of the FAQ's that intrigued me was this: Are you so smart you have an answer for everything? That instilled me with confidence, so I decided to go too.

I don't know if I had spent so long worrying about it that I was past worry, or if I was so far beyond fear that I couldn't comprehend it anymore or if I was comfortable with my own impending doom, but I wasn't nervous once we got there. I spent the plane ride up thinking about how just a week ago I was on a plane that I was not intending to jump out of and getting a little nervous, but here I was on a plane, totally intending to jump out of it and I was OK. Then the guys in the plane were trying to get me to smile, but I really wasn't up for it and told them that I had never had an intention to jump out of a perfectly good plane, to which the one instructor replied "I've worked on planes and I can tell you there's no such thing as a perfectly good plane. There are planes that fly and stay in the air, but that's about it." Thanks. That makes me feel better. My instructor, Tim, & I were the last ones out of the plane. It was cool to watch the other people go. It didn't look like they were jumping or falling out - more like being sucked out. I remember being at the door, knowing it was my turn and it didn't seem real at all. It didn't register. There were no thoughts of "here we go!" or "Oh, shit!".... just blank thoughts and "OK..." Then we were out and my thoughts were "OK..." and "well, huh!" and "I wonder why I don't feel like screaming" and "this is nifty" and something along the lines of "this is a really interesting perspective on everything" Sometimes it was hard to breath like when you face into a stiff wind. I remember feeling safe in the harness because I was strapped to something, anything, even if that thing was another person named Tim who was still plummeting at the same rate as me with no further support. At some point the chute opened and it was weird because I didn't feel a sense of relief - mainly since I hadn't had any thought of "it might not open" It was super cool hanging out up there and looking around at everything. We couldn't quite see home, but Tim said on good days you could see all the way up there. I mistook cows for deer (perspective is really thrown off from that high - that's my excuse & I'm sticking to it!). I also really enjoyed when Tim sent the chute into tight turns & spirals - it felt more like flying then. Eventually all three of us made it down safely.

Yay! I'm definitely glad I did it. It was cool. I don't know if I'd do it again unless it was cheap or free. If it was not an expensive hobby, I'd maybe consider taking it up because it was as close to real flying as I think I'll ever get unless I can find a wizard to give me wings (no, folks, Redbull doesn't actually work). I don't know. I wasn't all adrenaline rushy. Maybe I got myself into too much of a zen-like state. The thing is, I was talking with Dave last weekend about what I'd want to go back and witness in history and my answer was "the beginning" whatever that was. I'd really like to know whether there was one. Being a scientist (kinda) - I have to believe in mass/energy conservation and it makes sense that it just always was. But I can't get beyond my human experience. I can't comprehend the idea of "no beginning, always was" because everything that I've ever experienced had a beginning. So maybe that was the thing: the whole experience was so far beyond my comprehension that I just sat back and watched it because I didn't know what else to do. Regardless, it was pretty dang cool and I'd recommend it.

Newest addition...

Before anyone gets excited, I want to announce the newest addition to our family.... My shoulder griffin.

I haven't decided what to name him yet. I'm thinking something scadinavian. My mind keeps going with Solvieg, but that's a woman's name. He's definitely a he. I already have one gender confused plant, I don't need a confused griffin. I've been enamored with the shoulder griffins for about two years now and just a few weeks ago stumbled upon a wad of Christmas/birthday money that I haven't used in two years... Mum always says "buy yourself something you don't need." and I think a shoulder griffin fits into that category nicely. He makes me happy. He's actually a puppet. Thanks meemur!

Adventures in Canada lead to deepness...

Begin at the end.... There is very little, I think, more wondrous than taking off from a major city airport after dark. All the sparkling little lights held me in rapture for a good while after departing JFK airport on my return flight from Toronto to JFK to Reagan National to home. Really, if we had not gotten above a layer of clouds, I would not have read my book or watched a movie on my iPod. I would have spent the hour pondering the minuscule beauty of the world below for that whole hour. As it was, it's probably a good thing that I didn't have the hour to ponder and distracted myself instead. There was a very high probability that I could have pondered myself into a funk again. I hate my brain.

Maybe you know from following my Facebook status or from talking to me or you will know when you see my picasa pictures updated that I jet-setted off to Toronto Canada this weekend to visit my friend Dave, from college. It was awesome. I think Mars is no longer in retrograde because every bus, metro, flight, subway, trolley, ferry, and etc. trip went smoothly, was on time or ahead of schedule arriving or was waiting for me/us in the station when I/we got there. Timing was impeccable. I am not used to smooth travel, so it was all truly a luxury. For anyone not already familiar, Dave's absolutely the first friend I made at PSU. We initially met the day I moved in at a freshman orientation swing dance mixer in my quad. I honestly remember that for the first time in my life I stayed up until 3 or 4 AM talking & hanging out with a new friend. It was cool. He's also one of the two key people who unwittingly motivated me to break up with my high-school boyfriend. No, Dave's not a homewrecker, but he's nice and it just seemed wrong that two guy friends I had known for about a month were nicer than the guy I was dating. So anyway, it's really been about 4 years since we last caught up. I say that that's way too long. I want all my friends in one place again.



Well, the trip started out with a bang, we made our way back to the apartment, dropped my stuff off, wandered down to the St. Lawrence Market. I'm afraid we spent way too much money on cheese & crackers, snack munchies and deli meats there, but Mmmmmm.... decadence. We also got to experience what is, at least according to a sign in the Market, a real canadian food: the Peameal Sandwich. It was pretty good. Canadian Bacon lightly coated in cornmeal and plopped on a bun with your choice of honey mustard or maple dijon. Yum.

Next we totally rushed to get back, change and head out to Canada's Wonderland for a "Halloween Haunt." I had never been to an amusement park for halloween before, but I must admit it was awesome. They had a number of haunted trails that were fun and there really weren't any lines for the coasters. Additionally, we weren't sweltering in the sun when we DID have to wait. I think it's the oooonly way to do an amusement park. We didn't get quite all of the coasters in - I think we missed out on two that were open and there were one or two that weren't open at all. The Vortex was cool as was the Behemoth, which was designed by Bolliger & Mabillard - they also did Apollo's Chariot at Busch Gardens Williamsburg and I think they're probably my favorite coaster design firm right now.

So after starving Dave all day Friday and ending it all by gorging at Wendy's at 11:30 PM, I am convinced that he decided to carry out vengeance upon me because the entire rest of the weekend was a culinary adventure with almost continual snacking and etc. Saturday started with a trip to the grocery to get foods to compliment the meats & cheeses from the Market so as to form a picnic lunch for Sunday and for a brunch smorgasbord on Monday. Then we were off to hit Kensington Market, a semi-Bohemian area with a ton of Vintage Shops, cafes, ethnic wear stores and food markets. It was a nifty area, I noticed a lot of people with Che Guevarra paraphernalia. I found a new vintage dress, nearly talked Dave into a used Tin-Man costume, and we began our food-foray with Empanadas chased down with fresh Ginger Beer. The Ginger Beer was an intriguing beast that took some getting used to - mainly, you had to get past the way it burned the back of your throat. It was definitely good to try.

We left Kensington Market and made our way through a part of chinatown. Though Longans appeared to be in season, alas, none were sufficiently ripe to bother getting some. Next stop was the Fashion district and the fabric stores therein. It was like a playground for me... just wandering... touch, feel, touch, feel, etc.... until I realized that I couldn't afford any of the stuff I liked and we headed east (?) along Queen St. in search of a Crepe place Dave had heard about. After passing a bunch of bloody people pasting posters on light posts (I guess they were in a band whose schtick was to dress like mauled soldiers?), and a few crazy shop windows, we made it to the Crepe place. I got a decadent combination of banana, strawberry, rum, and coconut for mine & I think Dave's was a Ham & Swiss with Mushrooms. They were Yummy. I still haven't found a good crazy-crepe shop like Dave showed me in Boston though.

Next stop on the Itinerary was The Rex, which is a Toronto Jazz & Blues Bar. It was nice to sit & have a pint (half pint in my case) and get some live music.

I'd say we stayed for about an hour & then went on toward City Hall to obtain another Canadian taste treat: Poutine. Poutine is steak fries drowning in a wonderful brown gravy loaded with cheese curds. Cheese curds - the name sounds gross, but is there anything more wonderful???

Poutine tasted really good. I know why Wiki said it was a Canadian Comfort food. It makes you really warm inside, but I suspect part of that is because it clogs your arteries... ; ) I'm sure one order on occasion is not going to kill you, but it was super decadent and then led to a near re-enactment of the Month Python "wafer thin mint" skit on the way up the stairs from the TTC station during which Dave suggested something else culinary. After grabbing coats at the apartment, we headed back out to a little (not so little, really, but it felt cozy) bar near the St. Lawrence Market called C'est What? - at which, I might add, I got carded. It had a decent selection of scotches, bourbons & whisky. I tried a Bowmore (loved it), Laphroig (good - I had forgotten that the initial taste is like sucking on a campfire, but that goes away), Balvenie (nice & light), and a Lagavulin (also very good). I'm beginning to see a connection that I prefer Islay malts. Lastly, I think we finished the night out with the Stilton & crackers from the Market the day before.

Sunday involved a trip to Tim Horton's for breakfast sandwiches and an excellent pumpkin donut. Tim Horton's is like a Dunkin Donuts, but with nicer decor. Then some sandwich-making as we packed a bag to go picnic on "The Islands." The Islands are little sandbar islands not too far out in the lake. Part is residential, part has a little airport and the central part is a park including a small pay-as-you-go amusement park. The rides were all shut down & boarded up. We got to take in some good fall foliage and bits o' nature along the southern shore.

And also got a good fantasy-style view of the CN tower emerging from the fog above a petting farm...

I also managed to regress and find a good old sturdy style swing set that was high enough that you'd kill yourself if you tried to jump off from the top. It was fun. I reverted to my merry old style of seeing how much I could get the chains twisted mid-swing and I think Dave was convinced that I was going to break it & need medical attention! It kinda reminds me of the time that Jonah thought I was going to kill myself because I used leverage with just my kneecap to climb a tree, but I digress. The swings were actually a great workout - I need to find a good set by my house somewhere. There were even parts of the Islands that reminded me of Myst... it was an odd juxtaposition to "city."

So we ventured through that there hole out onto the beach, made short work of the thousands of snack foods that we brought with the sandwiches. I was introduced to corn nuts & Dave was introduced to sesame sticks. I have to add that I may never eat any bread other than Rosemary Foccacia from this point onward. It's amazing. After a couple of rollickingly cut-throat games of Uno, we eventually wound our way back to the Ferry dock & seemed to time it just right to catch sunset as we crossed. In an attempt to get some Steak & Ale pie, we ultimately ended up at an "english pub" but alas, they were on the late-night menu. The food was still good.

In the end, we ended up heading back to the apartment, doing a brief refresher of some old Swing lessons from college and then broke into the liquor cabinet. Half a mini-bottle of ice wine later, plus some Dooley's (tastes like Bailey's) and a sprite & Kahlua, it seemed like a good idea to make popcorn... until after spending 40 minutes picking at popcorn, we realized it'd take forever to finish the bowl (were both that full from everything else)....

Monday was a quick brunch of bacon, corned beef hash, omelets, pancakes and fruit salad - enough that I had a starbucks muffin for dinner and was good to go - and then a trip to the airport. The food was great, the company was great. So why the long-winded recount of the trip? Partly because I've been realizing that I'm getting older and I had better write this stuff down or I won't remember the details, but also partly because it was a lead up to lots of thoughts. Lots & LOTS of thoughts...

These thoughts are not just coming from this weekend, but from a variety of experiences this past year... last month Greg came & stayed with us for a week, which was awesome, and that visit really got me thinking about this too.

I need my people.

I don't need a lot of people, in fact, I am not overly social and really could care less about most people, but there are a few select people that I need. I was thinking about my friends from college. There are about six friends that I made in college who are the be all and end all for me. All but one of those people I met in Freshman year. Four of those people are guys and two are girls. (Note: I'm not including J in these stats and though I still know his friends from college too, I didn't pick them out for myself. I am talking about MY friends.) These people have been with me for 10 years. That's kinda impressive. I was thinking about why I have such a strong connection with these friends... I mean, when I'm with them, I don't stress, I don't feel like I need to protect myself, I can speak openly, I can be myself, I don't have to be a socially acceptable facsimile of myself. I'm not afraid to be sad around them if I need to - I know they're not going to hurt me. Then I was thinking about it and I think the key is that we were all removed from out families and comfort zones and tossed into a pot together. I can't speak for everyone, but that kicks me into hyper-self-preservation mode and forced me to find people who were suitable to replace the family bonds that I was lacking. I'm figuring we were all in the same boat & chose each other for similar need-fulfilling reasons? Dunno. But the point is that I pick my people because they complete some part of me. I have slots. Those slots need to be filled. One person can fill several, or just one. It really doesn't matter. If several are empty, I don't do very well. I think that's the hardest part right now... (interjection before anyone get a wrong idea: my husband is awesome, he fills a significant number of my slots, but I did choose him because he is totally different than me in a lot of ways, makes up for a lot of things I lack, and pulls me in different directions than I would otherwise tend to go. He's very good for me, but since there are fundamental differences between us, there are definitely slots left unfilled - interests not shared, and though he tries to understand my feelings and etc, unless you have the same temperament and disposition, there are certain things you can try to understand, but you never can unless you're standing in their shoes) Well, anyway, seeing my college buddies of late, coupled with some other things is just totally making me realize how many slots are still "open" right now. This is nothing new. I knew it this time last year, which is why I made some of the Samhain resolutions that I did. I'm working on it. I need to find my "family" here. It's getting old that I've been here for about 4 years now and still do not have those aspects that I need. We found our family in Binghamton when we lived there. I miss them too. I'm actively trying to form bonds and connections with people down here - some are growing, but there's still a lot of work to be done. This year, I am going to focus my efforts on seeing if I can get some more guy friends down here too (please see previous stats from college) because it seems like an integral part of me.

The other thing is that I've been soundly whacked with the mortality stick over the past couple of years.... my dad went in for heart valve replacement a couple of years ago and my friend Matt died last year and I've been running into a significant number of people who are dealing with serious illnesses and death recently. We, or at least I, was so blessedly sheltered from this sort of thing for most of my life. I'm trying to get a grip on it without letting it depress me past the point of recovery. I'm beginning to hate leaving from a visit or saying goodbye to people because I can't seem to do it right now without thinking about "this could be the last time I see them." This new year I need to work on getting that in check because I just can't live with that all the time. If anyone has any suggestions, they'd be welcomed. My brain's really my worst enemy and I could stand to work my way back in to blissful delusional ignorance.

I need my people. I love you all. I hope you all know that. & eventhough I'm not so good about communicating regularly, I really do care. I still hate the telephone and don't feel a need to work on that, but I am going to work on writing more because that's becoming critically important for me. That's one of the Samhain resolutions for this year. I'll come out with a bit of a list closer to the time.

You know, I think that's about all the whining I can handle doing right now! : ) Gonna go listen to some suitably depressing music ( depeche mode, REM, Linkin Park, New Order, The Smiths, etc) to cheer myself up. No, really. Don't ask me why, but it helps.... Angry music calms me down when I'm all eeked up too. Go figure.

Sooooooo..... updates. I now have a tub and shower surround. Showering this week has been quite a pleasing experience and I look forward to trying out the bath part of the bathtub. Maybe this weekend? I still have to paint the bathroom, but that will come in time.

Things I like....

I like Oyster crackers.


I like getting the little packages of oyster crackers with soup. I don't eat them with soup. I just like the crackers. They're cooler than saltines because you can play with them more easily. I have to play with simple foods or I don't like them. Like Oyster crackers... I put my top teeth & bottom teeth on opposing edge seams and bite them in half. Always in half along the seams. If one's already broken into two pieces, that's no fun & I don't care for it as much.

Skirt Humor?

Hehehehe.... Ten Reasons Skirts Are Better Than Pants from Dess-A-Day

My little bit o' Karma-seeding or something...

Alrighty, here's the deal. I love, absolutely love, living here. I can handle the traffic, I can handle the lines, I can handle the uppity-ness, but there's one thing that I hate around here: the "I'm more important than you" thing that people do around here. I don't know if it's because people are busier here than other places or if it's because we have a high number of foreign-born people or if it's because there's too much money, but it doesn't seem to be limited to rich people. Here's the perfect example of the DC more-important-than-thou thing: you start to pull out of a parking spot. No one's coming. you are about half way out of your parking spot when someone beeps and drives past without slowing down. This is the DC "I'm coming through and you'd best get out of my way" signal.

I'm not quite sure why people do this. It makes me mad. I'm sure there are times when a person has just gotten a call that someone's in the hospital and they need to get there right away, but with the frequency that this happens, either it's just selfishness or there are a lot of people rushing to hospitals.

There are so many ills in the world. There are pointless wars, rampant hate, homelessness, poorness, starvation, addictions, deadly diseases, murders, etc, etc, etc, ad infinitum. You know, I can't do a damn thing about any of it. I can donate money and time to worthy causes in my community, but really, it makes me ill when I think about the fact that I can't do anything substantial to stop it all.

One day, a number of years ago, I was thinking... about world religions, commonalities between people, and physics and thought... there's so much talk about energy being neither created nor destroyed and people discussing the power of prayer or spiritual energy or etc... and maybe that's all it's really about. Maybe it's all energy. And then there's the butterfly effect. The one thing I can do is try every moment to put as much "good energy" or karma or whatever back into the world as possible.

[anecdotal aside: I was walking through the K-mart parking lot one day in my purple striped wellies because, duh, it was supposed to rain. Two girls, must have been late high-school, drove past, rolled down the window, and made a comment about what's up with my ugly-ass boots. I was in a pretty good funk for the next 4 hours. The funk was due to the mind-numbing effects of someone finding it necessary to instigate a drive-by-insulting over rain boots, not the insult itself. When I left work later, I passed another woman on the street who stopped momentarily and complimented me on my boots. This made me feel so much better, that I wanted to skip and thought "there is some good in the world."]

Now, if a 30 second exchange can make me feel horrible for 4 hours and a 30 second exchange can also do the exact opposite, one thing I can do to improve the lives of all these little people who live in the big city is to be nice. People don't seem to expect nice here, so it seems like it makes more of a difference. And maybe if it makes a difference, that person will also be nice and who knows but it could have a butterfly effect of varying scales. It's a nice thought anyway. Maybe it'll put some good in the world to counteract all the bad.

My challenge to myself and you all... hold the door for people, it'll only cost you 10 seconds. Hold the elevator for people, let someone merge in front of you, stop to let a pedestrian cross the road, smile at someone, compliment their shoes or hair, wave the other person through the intersection first even if you were there one second before them. Be nice to your servers, learn a piece of dollar-origami. If you get a nice server who seems to be having a shitty day, leave something fun as well as the tip. Everything that you do has a chance of making 30 seconds of someone else's shitty day nice or funny, which helps in the long-run I think.

Simple things... what's the deal with growing up?

I find myself wondering whatever happened? There are simple things, simple pleasures that we seem to get when we were kids that just don't happen anymore. & I really don't think those things aren't enjoyable or amusing. I think society or something tells us that we're not supposed to or allowed to enjoy it. I get urges and I frequently feel like there's an external pressure not to act on those... yesterday, I was wearing my infinity dress as variation #16 and the dress is made of a particularly fun, swishy, glorious feeling fabric. I was in the elevator alone. I was on my way home. I started twirling in the elevator until I got dizzy & almost fell over. It felt great. Another guilty pleasure: I like wearing red patent leather shoes. I want a pair of red glitter dorothy shoes to wear around. I like to run & skip. I frequently run down the hall at work. I swear my co-workers must think one of two things:

• The girl (I guess i classify as woman now) is certifiably crazy
• The girl has Irritable Bowel Syndrome

Sometimes I jog down the street just because I want to... in skirts, heels, jeans, whathaveyou.... and I can feel people looking or watching. They are probably thinking "she's late for something," "something must be wrong," etc... I bet you anything no one thinks: "that woman must enjoy a random jog."

Well, so, to continue bucking the stigma of adulthood... here's a list of things that I plan to do outside of Halloween and Talk-Like-A-Pirate Day (Sept. 19!)

• have a tea party or picnic outside in strange clothing
• continue to wear my costumes to work as long as they aren't too outrageous
• make a point to skip more in public
• Play croquet in all whites - preferably victorian
• look more into steampunk which agrees with my aesthetics
• Go have dinner in McDonald's in full formal attire
• try to organize a prom or homecoming night for adults
• Do a "chinese firedrill" (I know the term is not PC anymore & I don't care) when I'm 80. I hope there are still cars & stoplights around then.

Cheers for today.

P.S. I want one! Monowheel