It's time to be honest here. I'm not looking for sympathy, or consoling. I'm just being honest & telling it like it is. Everybody has bad days. Either bad days for a reason, (you break you foot, get rear-ended, and then mugged on top of all of it - that's a legitimate bad day!) or sometimes not for a reason... you just feel like it. There was an internet/newsmedia discussion about a month back about how FB is "making people less happy" by making everyone think everyone else is perfect & happy. I also found this posting on Psychology Today that I think is more to the point, or at least more to the reality...
Facebook has turned into one of my ways to communicate with my friends, since there's too freaking many of you! (No complaints here...)
I, for one, accidentally fall into the trap of "ideal life posting" most of the time just because I don't like a lot of molly-coddling. If you post on FB "having a really shitty day", people respond & try to comfort & etc. It's an emotional trap either way... if I'm actually having a shitty day, I don't really want to be touched, or comforted... (I only want that from either my husband or my mom) I just want to be allowed to grumble & get over it. That's it. However, if people post "comforting" things, I frequently get irritated (don't poke the bear) or if nobody responds, I fall into the trap of "nobody cares!" It's a real catch 22. (actually, if people posted "yeah, that sucks." I think that would work.)
As a result, I frequently opt for not posting. So if you don't see any updates for a while, It's usually A) I'm ridicu-freakin' busy or B) I'm having a not-happy day (doesn't necessarily mean unhappy).
So back to being honest: today... I'm having a day. One of those days when you know your head's not in the right place. One of those days when you know that what you're thinking is probably not the case (or at least hoping that you're wrong). I spontaneously feel 20 lbs. heavier & fluffy overnight. I feel like a failure. I can't get any projects started or finished & have no direction. Or, if I do have direction, I feel like I keep spinning my wheels & can't move forward (I like action). I feel like I'm letting everyone down all the time and am a horrible person more than I like to be. I can't keep my house clean, I can't find time to make my own food half the time. I feel like I'm being unnecessarily a party pooper because I don't like doing things that I don't like doing. I'm sorry if I avoid it because I know I won't like doing it. I have 30 years of experience now and know what I do and do not like dammit! And there's no point wasting time on things I don't like anymore. I feel like I should be more agreeable. I feel like I should be more happy because other people feel like I never am (although I feel like I'm actually happy 85% of any given day and that seems pretty darn good to me). I feel like I'm a failure because I need to plan things & can't "just go with it". I feel like a grinch. I feel like a hippocrite. I'm pissed that I have too much stuff & I hate having this much stuff , yet I can't get rid of any of it & I keep trying and failing. AND my banana that I just bought for my breakfast is half rotten inside.
And... I'll get over it.
Can't wait until I get to go play on the playground in the 70 degree sunniness this afternoon.
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1 comment:
you'll get over it, true. but a surprise rotten banana is, indeed, adding insult to injury.
been having a lot of the kind of day you're describing of late. it does get hard to remember that this too will pass. thanks for the reminder. :)
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