More failure. Mood deteriorating.

I've had this incessant whatever-it-is for a week now. Sinus pressure. Tired. Those are the major symptoms. Today I was extra tired (though I had broken sleep, so...) and found a newly swollen, sore lymph node in my throat. Decided: "hell, I'll go to the health clinic downstairs & see if there's anything they can find." Checked my nose & ears & apparently didn't see anything that would scream "sinus/ear infection" to them. Checked out my throat & saw some discoloration & did a rapid strep test. Negative, but they seemed skeptical. Apparently the tests are very inaccurate. The Dr. sat down and filled a scrip for penicillin and said, get this: "You've had it for a week now, there's a possibility that it's strep. Here's a scrip, but it's up to you. You can wait a day or two and see if it clears up before you take anything or you can start taking it right now. Your choice." your choice. They don't normally say that. I liked him. He looked about retirement age, had a very good personality, was super forth coming with the info. I LIKED him. Then I noticed he's a D.O. Google stalking ensued and he's not covered by my insurance and is barely mentioned, so I figured he does not have a private practice.

On the off-chance, I decided to go back & see if he knew of anyone. I talked to the nurse about my medical care philosophy & she understood what I'm talking about but has not found anyone in the area here. Then we asked him. SOOOOO frustrating. He'd be my perfect doctor. He didn't discount what I was saying, he agreed with my approach to care, he understood what I was looking for and then told me that he couldn't recommend anyone. BUGGER!!! What I got from both of them is "Things are different now and you can't make any money as a doctor that takes a holistic approach to care so even though some still come out of med school, they don't stay in it long." CRAP.

Back to the drawing board. It sounds like the best I can hope for is maybe someday finding a doctor who talks to me at least like they think I'm a semi-intelligent person (or pretends at least).

*sigh *