What must people think of me?

OK... I just realized that I can't figure out how two parts of my personality coexist... I don't know if I should bother thinking about this, but here's what I was pondering:

Part A: I'm paranoid about what people think of me.
Part B: I could care less what people think of me.

Huh?

Examples of part A: I constantly think other co-workers must think I have IBS because I literally RUN to the bathroom every time I have to go. I constantly worry that if we're out at dinner with a group, if I get up to go to the bathroom at the end of the meal, I'm concerned that people will think I'm Bulimic (especially since I've lost so much weight this past year).

Regarding part B, even though I have concerns as demonstrated by the examples of A, I don't let it stop me from running to the bathroom, or going after a meal out. Also, I don't seem to care what anyone else thinks of me in general. I do what I like regardless of whether it's "normal." I wear costumes to work, I run randomly (through shopping plazas, through the halls at work, etc), I put my hair in pigtails even though I'm nearly 30, and have no qualms to rocking out to Bubble-gum J-Pop at odd times.

I don't know how to reconcile the two.

Ah, and the running through the halls at work set me to thinking that school is what was probably responsible for me not running at all until recently. You are told so often when you are little, especially at school, not to run. "Don't run in the Halls!!" etc. Daggnabbit. We'd all be in better shape if they'd stop yelling at us not to run. Thoughts....

Oh, SNAP! Issues... I have issues.....

First and foremost, truly & honestly, congrats to G & J on their impending bundle of joy. Really, I hope all the best and that everything goes smoothly & according to plan until he/she gets here because it'll just be chaos for a while after that. ; )

But DANG!!!! This means I have to grow up & man up (woman up?) and finally recognize that I/we are finally of procreating age. I've been successfully able to avoid this thought until this point because first it was my sister (an older person) and then it was some of Jonah's friends (not quite the same as my friends) and then it was our Binghamton friends (but we don't live there anymore so that doesn't count) and then it was a coworker (doesn't count because I didn't hang out outside of work) and then it was more of Jonah's friends (see before).... It's been easy to keep everything at arm's length. Now I have to figure out how to work this angle into my social sphere without A) turning into a bitch and B) getting grumpy because I have to acknowledge my age. *grump * *grump *

I'll do my best. I really will. Give me time. I need to figure out the dynamics. It won't be the same, but maybe it can be close. I won't promise that I'll like your kid all the time. I get annoyed with my niece & nephew sometimes & I'm supposed to have unconditional love for them... I am not pre-programmed with any sort of mothering instinct (other than that of a female tiger - they eat their young sometimes) and I don't share people well, but I'll try my best. I have no real inherent dibs on my friends' undivided attention like I have for my parents, and I'll have to recognize that. Ah well.

Still, regardless of what's going through my head (and I always have issues of some sort anyway), I really am happy for all you procreating people. Just don't expect me to sit there & listen to dialation stories or any of all that. : ) And for the record, I don't do ANY babyshowers. I'm either scared of them or allergic - pick whichever reason makes you feel better. I just can't handle this... : )